wake up super early this morning. HEhe..

Started studying at 8am. tried maths and phyiscs till 12 pm. Went to bathe then started to 'doll up" haha...

Met up with ms Ho.. was 2 minutes late.. haha.. Phew, din get scolded.. We went to "secret recipe" to makan. The food there wasnt too expensive. Phew. Yupz, she treated me for lunch. We sat there from 2 to 6.50 plus.. hah.. We talk a lot... haha

We talked abt sch life.. i told her that i am a crying baby. Always cry n cry ... Share with her my happiness and sorrow. She really understand how i feel...

We talked about society.. She told me to accept the fact that life is like that. There is a lot of backstabbing in life... but i told her i was damn lucky.. i haven met one yet...

We talked about relationship and marriage... The gap that we experienced. I asked for her views of relationship and marriage. We talked a lot abt that... haha...

We talked abt ms fong too.. I learnt a lot of things about ms fong.... Ms ho shared with me a lot abt her experience with ms fong.... well.. i feel a bit proud of the 2 of them.. I can go back n tease her already.. haha.... =p=p I find that there is smthg abt her that i can never understand... she is undefine... haha..

we talked abt God also... we seems to have a lot of things to share with one another..
we talk a lot.. just kept talking n talking ... i think we have a lot to share.. I gave her the thing i bought for her... she was super touched.. haha....

I am v grateful that she actually made time to "jio me" out. She told me that her sat is very important... And i realise that she is willing to sacrifice 5 hrs of her sat to meet up with me and share with me so much things.. Cher, i love u .. will keep u in my prayer.. pray for u happiness...

need to go and chiong again... I am so tired... dun feel like gg for physics tuition leh.. haix.. no choice... liwan, u gonna jia you...

cried today again.. This time was in front of mdm lim.. haix... When to look for her and ask her abt my GP. She said i am alright. She is nt worry abt me. She told me nt to worry... Thankz mdm Lim. She said she will put me down in rememdial since i am soooooo worried and nt because i din do well... she said i have improved a lot.. Thank Mdm Lim for ur assurance. Thankz for giving me ur last piece of tissue paper. =].. I will continue to heed ur advice and jia you .. haha

I was quite lucky though.. Hmm, ms fong walked past me when i was crying. Very happy that she din see me.. Phew.. I was so scared that she will see me crying. After that she saw me under TRC, i was still crying, i quickly covered my face. She asked me for yi lin nos, but yi lin somehow appeared. haha.. thankz God.. after that i was still crying when she sat at the bench beside me teaching yi lin n ernest. I was praying that she cant see me.. AFter a while she called my name.. i was super scared. She asked me 1 organic ques.. Phew ! she din realise that my eyes were red.. heng sia... I am so happY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After maths lecture i saw her again. I told her i wanna talk to her.. Then we talked for like 45 minutes. I told her that i manage to escape again. I will wanna to cry for happiness only after i get back my result.. HHAa.. she is waiting for it.. Yupz.. we talked abt other things and everything under the sun...

ms Ho msged just now. HAHa... we are meeting tmr.. I went down to TM to buy smthg for her.. For belated BD present.. Actually i am v touched la. She let me realise she never 4get me. I miss her a lot too. And i definitely never disappoint her cos i gt a B for econ. hah.. Ms Ho, i wil continue to strive... Yea.. seeing u tmr at city hall.. hah...

Tired.. tonight hav to chiong all my work since tmr i am gg out to have fun.. Yea. taa...

Yesterday was a fine day. had competition with NYJC & JJC... I played the first game n won ... Yea... But nt very happy though.. cos i lguess i lost my passion in table tennis... Oh ya, i hurt my hand too.. it is swollen.. all thankz to my junior...

tired... Hmmm...lessons were alrite just nw. I love econ lesson.. It was fun.. a lot of jokes.. hehe.. Oh ya.. get back my result slip.. haix.. it is horrible.. I gt a B though.. and i pass GP.. I am so happy ... haha.. I put in a lot of effort lor.. Sob sob sob... I failed my fav sub.. haix.. is a disappointment though.. is okay... well, my teachers' comments are fine.. I mean i dun have any issues with that,... haha... Liwan , jia you ba...

I guess is time to catch up my tutorials le.. haix.. I am a bad gal.. hehe... MAths tutorials and physics... Will study later... have a lot of stuff to do.. need to follow v closely with my timetable.. haix.. liwan , jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So tired...

lessons were fine...

had lunch with Mr Tan. Talk abt studies, teachers, and everything under the sun. Mr Tan, i wanna talk to you not because someone else is not free. i treat u like my fren and not a substitute for other people. I dun wan u to think that way.. i wont be happy de!! i also like to share with you my happiness and sorrow... but i really wanna talk to u. It was a random one. Not to complain to you or whine.. But just talk le.. i guess gals like to talk ma.. Was v happy cos i get to sit at the place which i longed for...

Do i really look stressed n sick?? yupz, Thankz Mdm Lim, i am fine. I know you care for me. is true that i am upset and sick. Having a bad headache.

Thankz Mr ng for sharing so much things with me. I knoe u care for me too... thankz thankz.. I will learn to cope and be a happy gal. Thankz for excusing me for PE. I din expect you to share so much with me.

Next, training. Get to talk to rachael. She is a very nice and independent gal. I learn that God gives us what we need and not what we want. Thank God.

Lastly i wanna thankz the servants in TJC. They treated me to fried bananas.. They were so worried that i dun have food to eat. HAHA.. Auntie, i will treat u all eat one day. Love u !!!!!!!!!!!

Tmr, competition starts le. Kind of tired. Liwan, u can one. Love u ... I hurt my ankle just nw. But wil be hopping around tmr.. Tmr have consultation again. Make it a happy one. I love myself... YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

quite slack today... liwan jia you wor...

decided to chiong GP after competition. will it be too late. I need some advices from Mdm Lim again. will talk to her on Mon ba. So tired..Not easy at all.. haix.....

Tried doing maths tutorial and realise that i am quite horrible, i noe nthg... sob sob.. Is time to buck up.. Mr Tan, i thought u can help me with stat.. haha.. nvm.. ms yang hope u can reply my mail soon.. Hope to see u online tmr.. sob sob..

tried v hard to follow my time table faithfully.hmmm... Trying to clear ionic equilibrium.. Hope to clear it fast... Cos Mon i have consultation after school. I have lotz of doubts for chemistry.. I really feel that it isnt easy at all.. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tmr have physics tuition. I lost touch with physics for quite long le.. Super jia lat... Liwan.. plspls.. i beg u! learn to love physics !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haix.. God please help me. better go now.. will study physics since tmr have physics tuition. =[=[=[

Still v full.. din eat much today... I wanna to go on diet... yesterday was still a nightmare for bth my dear and I.. hehe....

Very happy today..

lessons were fine.. i am very happy since after school. I saw ms fong and Mr Tan.. I was so crazy.. I was smiling and laughing.. I guess is because tmr is fRi.. Tmr gt Temasek Idol.. Tmr i get to Go out... haha...

I went to sport com after talking to Mr Tan. I ran ard the dance studio like a mad dog.. ha.. People thought i am in love.. But in fact i am.. haha.. i was soooooooo happy...

After that, received sms from MS HO.. I was even happier.. She said she is coming back tmr.. happy happy .. v happy.. hhaa... she said she is excited to see me.. and i told her i have lotz of things to tell her.. YEa.. i miss u lot.. i gt a lot of things to complain to ms Ho.. abt my life and studies... Ms Ho , i guess u will find me irritating tmr... Miss u!!!!!!!!!! HAHA...

Okay.. back to reality.. have to chiong calculus tmr.. Dem lag la.. Must be discipline sia.. i am scared...Nt focusing liao.. cannot like that sia.. Must be hardworking.. nt following v closely to my time table.. but is nt easy actually.. Liwan can de...!!!!!!!!! HAHA... YEa... smile....... make sure i spend my time wisely... if nt i will regret... =[=[=[=[=[...YEA.......

lessons were quite alright..

recently, a few teachers asked me abt my class (18/06). Well, my ans to them is " its a fun class. they are smart people" . Actually nt very close with them but just fun lor.. Always can hear laughters during lessons?? yupz.. only close with a few so...

Tired.. racing with time..Too many things to catch up. Went down to TTSH again. I felt so loved by Dr GAn. I am very touched. She is a very helpful and sincere doc... somehow i dun mind to go back every mnth to see her. She was very uptight with my health. Thankz for care and concern. There is also a nurse who also very nice to me. She was so very fed up when they learnt that the other nurse sent me to the wrong doc ... then she told me that she will find Dr Gan for me... I guess the docs and nurse i know are very serious ones.... They make wanna make sure that i am fine... HAHA.... Thankz.. Okay fine.. may be I am just assuming.. lolz....

GG for tuition later.. Tmr have DRQ test sianz.. is so unfair leh.. other classes can bring the DRQ back home.. but for us.. need to go on the spot and no reference to notes.. But i guess is for our own gd..

TATA.. gg to bathe...

GOD, i pray that u can continue to guide me. Give me strength and of course blessed the people ard me...

my gastric is giving me trouble.. Nt well.. very painful.. But i am nt gg to continue to eat the medicine.. The taste of it or the thought of it is awful.. Sob sob... No appetite to eat..

Nt in the good mood today cos i din get to clear my doubts. HOw can i tell my chers how desperate i am for help?? can they feel it?? After planning my timetable.. I am shock by the nos of days left for me to go thru ONE thorough revision which may nt be enough at all. So HOW?? the problem with me is i always feel that i am disturbing my chers who have a lot of admin works to do. Should i learn to be more selfish??? i am sad...

Kind of feeling a bit stressed up in Mr Looh class. First "quarrelled" with victor over A level were very hardworking and they were able to get A.. After that DIng hong asked him what is " hardworking" he said he only see handful of us handing in HWs for marking. I am one of them who always hand in assignments. He said that he can even speculate the people who can get A for chem in A level. He said he doesnt wanna to say to demoralise us. " Mr Looh, am i one of them who will get A?" i wanted to ask but dun have the courage to ask. Haix.. Sometimes the truth is hard to accept.. Well, just like my chinese A level result. Mr Tan speculated at least a B ?? in the end what did i get??? I guess i should always tell myself to focus on the stepping stones which are more impt than the end results because they are the one which contribute to the end results.... Liwan, continue to jia you.. Persevere k??? Liwan, u can de...

Thankz for those people who really cared for me. Karen, Joyce, shu qi, kyna, Mr Tan, Mdm Koh, ms fong.. A big THANKZ... Love u all.. I will jia you... I care for all of u too... =]=] take care.......

Part 2
there is a change of time table.. Hope God has answered my prayers...]
So tired.. feel like sleeping again.. So stupid.. The medicine is driving me crazy. I will stop taking them frm tmr onwards.. i dun wan to slp in class.

Maths tuition was quite boring. Charlene and Tina started to count down for lesson to end. As for me , i also count down. But i counted how many more days my dear MS YANG will be back.. MS yang.. sob sob.. U are still the best.. I love u...

gg to my grandma's hse later... I am a busy gal.. Lolx.. hav to learn how to cope liao le!!!!!!!!!!! Liwan, jia you... I do look forward to a brand new term. Liwan, jia you.. God pls give me strength....



Part 1
Get back my report le.. sigh.. wont touch on that... tired..

Feel v drowsy after taking the medicine..

din go for physics tuition today cos i am still nt well. but i will be gg for maths tuition later... a lot of questions to ask. need to pay full attention today cos he will be teaching complex.. but it is v difficult to pay full attention. The medicine make me tired... i dont have appetite to eat anything. My taste bud is destroyed by the medicine...

Tmr sch -reopen le.. It will be a brand new term for me to work hard. I must continue to give my best in all i do. I will try to achieve all i can. I have to work closely with my timetable... discipline is the key to success! liwan, all the best.. U can de.. Learn to love urself =] but nt 4getting to love others too...

All the best to my dear who will be taking block tests this week. My dear, u can do it de.. Jia you!!!!

still quite painful after taking the medicine.. but i wont let it affect my work... hav to go study later...liwan, pls jia you...

May be gg to my dear hse later to collect smthg.. we were v forgetful yesterday...


tired.. *vanished into thin air*

Part 2
just reached home.Went to see doc again=[ cost a bomb.. $43 ... Lung inflammation.. the doc said that my gastric juice flow to my lung.. wa lao.. Is so stupid.. I really never experience such pain b4... God pls help me..

Do you really love me? I guess i cant expect u to be 24hrs available.. Is okay.. sianz.. Sun taking back result.. Quite scary though.. Liwan, everything will be fine...

is time to slp.. i cant tahan.. I hope i will recover soon.. i dun wan it to affect my studies.. sob sob.. dun have enough time to mug.. Sob .. GOD pls............. sob sob...

Part 1
not feeling well. So upset...

My chest is very painful. A sharp pain. The worst chest pain i ever have..How? keep gg to toliet too.. Dr Gan , what did u give me?? sob sob.. WHy all this things must happen to me? should i continue with the medicine?

Went to study with my DEAr today... tried maths.. it is tough.. did chemistry (chem equilibrium) the questions are tough.. Hope to see ms fong on Mon so that i can clear my doubts asap.. but i asked her on wed le.. she said can... hope so.. did a bit of Gp.. hope is helpful.. tired..

gg to have a nap? But i just i cant wake up after the nap.. cos is damn painful.. GOd pls... Give me strength... =[

wake up at 7 plus .. quite early..

Went for blood test.. will noe the result on Sun. have to report to ms fong.. But i thankz God that she is ard for me during this period of time..

Blood test was nt painful actually.. but i find it quite scary or may be errie.. imagine a needle pricking u?? haha.. But honestly is nt painful.. I guess i am a strong gal.. I spend quite a long time in the clinic.. cos they cannot find my blood vessels.. sob sob.. and the doc has no choice but to inject at the area near my wrist.. so scary la..

Went for maths tuition.. Learning complex now.. hehe.. dun find it an issue yet.. Liwan jia you... I really love ms yang a lot.. I miss her.. MS YANG, I Love You.. I am touched by the things u said and the things u have done for me.. Love u love u ..

Gg out with my dear to study tmr.. cant wait to see u.. i miss u too.. hehe... I hope we can have a fruitful 6 hrs together.. love u .. Hope u are fine... doing a lot of things tmr.. I must stay focus.. must put aside all the unhappiness.. I wan to be a strong gal.. YEA.. nthg to be afraid of with all of u ard... Love u all...

Okay.. need to go le.. tata.. sleeply.. sob sob...

I feel like a jelly now.. sob..

The medicine is too strong for me. I cannot take it but still have to eat. So sick... my eyes are closing. My legs are like jelly. I cant imagine what will happen if i take the medicine b4 i attend lessons or lectures. I definitely will fall asleep or stone there... Liwan pls get well soon... Haix...

Tmr have to go for blood test. Kind of scared!! sob sob... I guess i wil bring my tebby bear... Hah.. lame.. yupz.. After that i will go back to school gg to the libraray to print some stuff and so some work till 4 ba.. I realise that i din give myself enough time for GP.. haix.. Cant tahan.. sob sob...

need to go and try some chemistry questions... Liwan.. jia you.. trying to force open my eyes... haix.. tata...

Love u love u love u love u... Jia yoU!!!.....

Went for training today. Felt a bit down went i was there. Well.. is okay.. is all my fault...

Rush down to TTSH. The doc talked to me for quite a long while. She asked me a lot of ques! In the end she decided not to give me medicine for precautionary TB first. She wanna to treat my cough, gastric etc.. She gave me 4 medicine nt for free of course. I find them quite cheap though. It costs $10.70. The nurses are very nice. I felt very touched just now. They cared for me a lot. THANKZ sistA...

After i left TTSH, i called ms fong to report to her. We chatted for around 15 minutes. HAH.. yupz, i told her that i wanna take back all my words. i explained to her my point of views.. Haha.. She fully agrees with what i said. HAha.. cos she is one of them. I told her i am fine but she doesnt believe me. She said i am just trying to convince myself so that other people wont be worry abt me.. Haa.. true la.. she noes me too well..We crapped a lot... But i forget to tell her smthg............... haa.. is okay...

have to go back on Wed again. Sianz.. need to make sure that i am fine..May have to take another medicine.. tired.... have to go do my work le.. liwan, jia you.. learn to love urself too.. haha...

YEs, I LOVE YOU TOO... haha.. muackz...

take a few minutes to listen to this song.

haiz.. Went to school today for consultation. I need to put in a lot of effort wor... so busy... After that i went to cut my hair. Wanted to cut it till v short but din have the courage.. haix.. On my way to parkway, i was thinking of the nurses that i have met in the hospital. i told myself that they were v kind people. They were damn nice to me. After a while, my phone rang, it was from the hospital. They wanna me go down to collect the medicine... I let my tears flow backward.. down the throat. I was scared. I felt so lost. Went i board the bus, i gt scolded my the bus driver. I din not tap the card... I guess i wasnt even aware that i boarded the bus. i dont know what i was thinking that time. Still have one more blood test to go.... Liwan , be a brave gal...

is the song nice?? yes.. it is from my DEAR. My dear gives me certain verses from this song. I was very touched when you told me to listen to it. And i am sure that i guessed correctly those verses that you wanna give me. This is because i wanna to give you the same thing. My dear, i love you a lot. haha.. Hope u are always happy. Liwan is there for u!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somehow i feel that a lot of stuff have brought us even closer.. hehe....Sorry ya, last time i always said that i am always the one giving... actually i knoe that u are trying hard too... Hope everything will be fine for us...

Thankz for those who cared for me... I am fine.. msgs from you all make me feel so touched.. Liwan, will try to be a strong gal. =]=] Hugs.... U all take care too..

Yupz.. mine is positive.. I should say always positive. The doc will call me again. But i guess my responsibility now is to make sure that my immune system doesnt break down. If not i will be in danger. Liwan.. jia you ba...

I need to go for whole body check up cos i might have other illnesses.. I appreciate that u are willing to go down with me but is okay ba... i knoe my way... a lot of things happened this afternoon. Almost break down into tears. Luckily, ms fong and her fren are there for me. Her sis was merely...lolz..... nvm... Well, recently, i kept saying that God doesnt love me but i feel that it isnt true. he sent a lot of people to earth to care n love me. i was v touched by the little things ms fong's fren has done for me. i was shocked. Too many it might me nthg.. but really Thankz. I am very grateful. And i just found out that nt only God loves me.. Still gt you.. haha.. I noe you might be joking but at least i am very happy to hear that.. love you too... haha.........

So tired.. having lesson at 10.30 with mr ang.. cant go for camp.. is okay... I do hope they understand. It wasnt on purpose. haiz.. Hope you guy understand. So tired. Need to go prepare the stuff for tmr lesson.. tata... nite nite....

well.. quite busy today. Was having a hard time today doing time table. Now i start to pity my teachers who have to plan their timetable.. aha... Well.. i need to go edits some parts of my timetable.. Sianz.. will take at least one to 2 hrs...

Touched PnC just now. I find it tougher than Vectors. Haix.. sianz.. To others vectors are much more difficult than PnC .. Perhap, i am a weirdo. dun understand what i am thinking.. My dear, i miss u a lot.. haha.. i wll be fine.. Dont study till too late...

having consultation tmr at 8 am. *yawn* tired... No choice.. After than meeting kyna, shuiu qi and joyce to contact centre for check up. Hope everything is fine 4 us... tired. Gonna go to do my timetable and PnC.. jia you liwan.. u can do it.. lOve u... yupz...

Wake up at 7 today. it was quite early. I had to go down to NTU. It is so tiring. Sob sob sob... So tired... Some updates abt my left hand. well, there is a lump. It is red colour. It is ard 14 to 15 mm. Sianz.. dun feel anything though... Probably it will be fine tmr? probably it will shrink tmr? I asked a few of my classmates, theirs din swell. Well.. is okay. Leave it to God ba. Perhap, i am too tired to care. Tmr is Sun , hav to wake up early for tuition. tmr i will be doing timetabling. HAHA.. No maths tuition tmr... I guess i can start to do a lot of things. Liwan jia you!

Have to wake up early on MOn. having consultation with Mr Ang at 8am. So early !!!!!!! No choice cos he is a busy man. but i actually appreciate and grateful that he is willing to help me. Thankz Mr Ang!!!!! After that i will rush down to hospital with Shui qi and kyna for the final check up. Yuzpz... After which, i will rush home and prepare for tuition. **yawn** do look forward to chem tuition.. haha... Yea... Liwan jia you...

Anyway, i will be super busy next week. wish me all the best ba..... =]=]=]=]

so tired. Sianz.. I think i am having a fever but i still went down for the jab. haha.. Since the nurse never ask me anything.. hehe...

I was the 2nd last to take the jab. I took it after ms fong. She was very scared. i took a pic of her. haha.. she said i am gg to blackmail her.. haha.. not gg to upload it cos i have to respect her. haa.. the jab was painful lor. I almost screamed. After all i am still a scary cat trying to calm kyna, shu qi and ms fong.Lolx.. Somehow i feel that there were other things which are much more painful than an injection. Like after taking back ur " results" . That kind of pain is horrible. can make u cry for hours... haha.. Tired...

Well, i looked at the slip of paper given to us just now about TB symptoms. HA.. "no appetite" is also one of them.. haah.. But hope is cos of stress.. YEA??? Actually i dun feel anything after i knew that i am already exposed to TB germs. I dun noe why. God doesnt seem to love me.. sob sob..... watever...

Tmr is SAT.. gg for NTU seminar.. Is from 8 plus to 3 plus.. super sianz.. hope it is a meaningful one.... So tired... so tired... shall continue to do my stuff... tata...

i am so tired. I wake up at 2.30am today. Was in great pain. Well, slept at ard 3 plus again. The pain is bearable now.

Mdm Jiang Hui came to talk to me this morning. Trying to avoid her but to no avail. Yupz, she said she want to see the bubbly and lovely liwan. She could tell that it is not from the inner heart. What can i say??? She wanna me to be a real happy gal. She shared with me her experiences. Well, I was touched actually. =] Thankz Mdm Jiang Hui.

Oh ya... i went out for lunch with Mdm koh yesterday. I treated her to vegetarian Laksa. It is superb... HA.. But it is a big share. I couldnt finish. I guess just dun have appetite to eat. Oh ya, we were with Mdm Lim too.. hha..Mdm Lim is a funny teacher. we have fun and laughter during lunch yesterday.Beside me was OM. I was damn scared of him. Actually i guess i afraid of Mdm Lim the most. She seems to be able to tell what i am thinking, hehe.. i knoe a lot about her too... =p=p .. so who is nxt on my waiting list?? Actually i owe a lot of people a lot of things. Haix....

Eyes are closing but i wont go to sleep now.I wanna to install the programme that Jeff lent me this morning. Hope i noe how to use it.

Tired... Sleeply.. sianz...... =[=[=[

Yupz... today was quite a fun day till civics... haix.. have to Go TTS hospital for check up... I might have latent TB.. Well.. leave it to fate...

The symptoms are
1) Lose weight ( i have)
2) cough, worsen esp in the morning ( i have )
3) chest pain and breathing difficulties ( i also have )
4) Tired ( i am also experience that )

Haha.. i hope nthg will happen. Now , i knoe why ms fong kept asking me if i am okay this morning. Actuallty i am nt scared of TB, i am only scared of needle!!!!!!! Sob .. dun noe who to hug sia.. I rmb i hugged my teacher ( Mrs Sim) when i had my injection during Pr6. I was the first one cos i was the class leader. I have to set a good example. This is so lame!

I hope that the symptoms i have are due to stress. Hope so! Yea...

trying hard to act happy infront of everyone and i realised that it is so tiring.


Wo zhen de hao lei... forcing myself to smile more??? i laughed a lot todya. Trying to 4get everything. when mdm Koh saw me this morning, i told her that i am okay le but she could tell that i am just forcing myself. I am trying hard. i crap a lot today too. Trying hard not to reveal anything. I hope i passed! Mdm koh said that i am v horrible, she told me that i cant always spare a thought for other people. But i told her that as long as the people ard me are happy, i will be happy. Seeing other people laughters and smiles is gd enough?? may be God send me to this world to care 4 other only? may be i owed other people a lot during my previous life.

i am nt sure if i am really happy or just ............... I cant tell. The only thing i noe is i keep smiling today in school. But right now, i am feeling so down. I am nt sure why. Perhap PMS?? dun noe... Dear, i am sorry. I knoe u are sad to see me like that. I know you can tell what i am thinking. I love u a lot.. Give me some time.. I will be fine... i knoe u wanna me to be happy from the bottom of the heart. I will. But i think for sure is i love u from the bottom of my heart... love u.......

I feel so sorry. I find that my emotions or my mood has caused a spill over effect on other people. I am sorry. I knoe i always say that i want people around me to be happy (my chers and friends and family) but i fail to do so. I suppose that they also wanna me to be happy?? isnt that correct? Now, i am fine with my chinese results le after knowing that i have caused a spill over effect on others but now i feel super bad that i am so inconsiderate . I am sorry. I suck sia.. better think of ways to repent.. Argh....

Today have a short conversation with Mdm Lim. I was sooooooo shocked that she portrayed me as such a person. I am damn shocked. But Mdm Lim, thankz. You have given me the courage to continue to strive and improve. i really appreciate it. I will heed ur advice. i will do my best.

No consultation today cos ms fong was busy. is okay.. friday?? sch reopen?? anything.... Yupz..liwan, stay positive ba.... oh ya, just came back from Mr Looh lesson. I din get to concentrate much after knowing that i cause a spill over effect on others. Yuckz.. and i realised smthg, i need to start revising. I forget a lot of things le. my chemistry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh dear, i think is time to sit down and revise and study lecture notes . Lousy Leh!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i should have faith & trust in you? I should even submit myself to you. I should live because of you? i shouldnt have so much doubts about you. I should always do what you told me to do.

i am not sure what i am doing. I feel so lost. I still cry a little when i think of what happened on friday. I feel v lost now. I dont have anything to depend on. I want to be detached from the world and from everyone. You can say that i have attitude problem. You can say that i am bad.

went for tuition today. everyone is dicussing about A level results. At that point of time, i was very scared. I scared i cant enter Uni. I am afraid of a lot of things. i cant see hope in my life. It is all darkness. Perhap i should give myself more time? May be i should have retain? May be i should have gone to poly? may be i should not even study? may be i should just stay at home to be little princess.

I am so tired. why am i torturing myself? Why cant give myself a break? I really hate this cant of feeling. What will happen tmr? Should i go to school? can i concentrate? I feel like giving up. I am sorry. I noe you all may be disappointed. somehow, i lost the purpose of staying in this cruel world.

Cried for hrs yesterday....

gt back my chinese results. Actually i have a bad feeling that i will definitely nt do well. And yes, once again GOd has proven me that my six sense is GD... haix..

Mdm Koh, Mr Tan, Mrs Teo? and Mdm Jiang Hui did console me. I am touched. I wasted their time actually. Haix.. feel guilty again. They want me to learn to love myself. i have to stop caring for others. It is impossible to not love others. Somehow i feel that my chi standard is really not there. May be i think too big of myself. I am tired. Or may be is luck?? I guess i am a lucky girl? i have teachers who really care and love me a lot. I noe they dun wan to see me in such state. They wanna me to realise that results dont determine one's potential? Actually i can tell that Mdm Koh really dun wan or feel sad to see me in such state. I knoe she wanna me to be happy as much as i want her to be happy.i Really feel bad that i din do well. I know in her heart i am really great. I knoe in Mr Tan's heart i have gotten the Aces long time ago. (well, i guess this is how teachers console their students when they dun do well, i hope my assumption is not rite) I owe u all too much. I cant return.

after yesterday, i somehow lose faith in GOd. I am so sorry to say that. However, my dear told me that God wanna me to learn to be a strong gal. I am never a strong gal. I am always pampered by my parents and teachers since young. May be It is time to learn how to be strong. this is just a small setback. I need to pick myself up. After all, chinese is nt an impt subject.. Let it be a lesson? A painful one...

After i left sch.. somehow i continue to cry.. When i saw my Dear, I went foward and hug..... We din talk.... After a while, ms fong called me. We talked a lot. She tried to make me laugh. I told me that she felt bad that she wasnt there to lend me her shoulder. I was touched to hear that. but i told her that lucky she wasnt there cos she will not be able to leave me. Actually i dun like her to see me cry. I dun wan! I wan to leave the best for her. I wan to cry for happiness nxt yr. I wan her to witness it. I really wan! She crapped with me a lot. She said i must learn to take a break. She said i am just like a sponge, i have already absorb water and can longer absorb anymore. haix.. She said that i should go out and watch movie every week. Guess what i said, i told her to sponsor me. Lolx. She said she dont mind if that can really help me. I really appreciate that. I told her a lot of things. I told her my thoughts. we exchanged views.. She was touched. She felt that it is time to love myself. I guess i will give myself a little break b4 i start to run again. I believe i can do it . I must pick myself up. we talked for 1hr. I am really very proud to have her as my cher. Super proud. she always tell me that in her heart i have also aces everything le. ( it is another lie, hopefully nt) I really appreciate it. thankz cher....

Today is ms Ho bd.. Happy Bd ms Ho... I am tired.. I wanna to go do some decoration to my book. I want to do a lot of stuff that is nt related to studies....

THANKZ To ALL mY CHers and My friends who really cared for me.. Love u all....

get to say what i wanna to say today thou is thru sms.. but still v happy to see ur reply.. I am glad that ur troubles go away.. Jia yoU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well.. Just finished Econ test one hr ago. I would say that i have tried my best. I studied what i could. No regrets.. Yea.. i guess that is the way.

Tmr have chemistry test. I hope i wont fail wor.i Wanna to do my best for this test. I haven started studying yet cos i was too busy with economics. No choice.I have to study hard hard hard hard.. I just finished drinking one cup of "3 in 1 coffee" i hope it helps to keep me awake till 12am. if not i will go get a packet of pokka green tea! yea? but i guess what can really make me stay awake is the external force that is pushing. I can feel it. I am definitely working hard towards my dream.

tmr getting back my chinese result. Mr Tan told me that getting A2 in O level would imply that i should get a A in A level. SO if tmr i dont get a A, he will be stressed up. So Mr Tan, if i dun get an A tmr, i will push allllll the blame to you k???? haix... Just kidding. If i do well/ not well, i still wanna to say a big 'THANK YOU" to you. You are the one who help me and accompany through last year. I wont forget what you have done for me. I should be grateful. And i am very certain if i din do well tmr, you will be equally sad. Yupz... haha..

I dun noe what will happen to me and my dear tmr. I pray that my dear and I will do equally well. I hope that everything will be fine for us. God, please help us. We want to do well. Okay, is time to study for my chemistry.. Yea.. Liwan, u can de. Jia yoU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. all the way!!!

Im Liwan. I love to be loved, pampered. I want to be the superest girl but i always fail to be one. I want to be a teacher next time. Currently at the age of 21. Birthday 5th Jan